Surprise!

So my dad has decided to move about two hours away from where I live. He’ll be in between my brother’s family and ours. I just found out he is coming and planning on staying with us yesterday. He’ll be arriving today. Surprise. I usually talk to him every six months or so. 

I’ll explain our relationship. It isn’t a bad one, there just isn’t much of one. Like at all. He never did anything wrong. My mom left him after all of us kids were out of the house. We have never really had a relationship, like ever. He was always around but never really available. Now he is older and wants to be close to his family and grandbabies. 

I feel like a complete asshole for being annoyed by this. We just don’t know each other. He has only met my son once after he was first born. He held him once. When I asked if he wanted to hold him again after that first time, he told me no, he was good. He’s never done anything bad. I guess that is my complaint. He’s never done ANYTHING. He was just sort of furniture or a prop all my life. A chair in the corner, propped in front of the ever on TV. 

He also feels like he has a great relationship with all of his children, like he REALLY knows us. Any conversation I have with him always ends with him asking about my sister. He doesn’t ask much about me and doesn’t respond to questions I answer or things I say. He has said that he just doesn’t worry about me. He hasn’t my whole life. That is a nice sentiment but it has translated to a father who is aloof, who would rather sit in my basement and watch TV rather than interact with me. 

He will not be helpful in any capacity while he is here. Or very interactive for that matter. Like I have said a few times, I feel terrible that I am so negative about him moving closer. Really, the only thing I can control is my own expectations and reactions. I know what I am going to get. I just need to not set myself up for failure. My sister will, no doubt, be far to busy to see him while he’s here. She lives for blocks away. 

I’ve known for awhile who I can depend on, who will help no matter what. It is just unfortunate that my family is not in that list. There is nothing that can be done about that. It just makes me even more grateful that I even have a “list”.

Sorry to be so negative. This will just be a disappointing weekend. Maybe I’ll be wrong. That would be a nice change of pace.