My husband’s parents divorced over a decade ago. It was not pretty. There was serious infidelity and alcohol addiction issues. His father did some very bad things to his mother. His father, L, is a functional alcoholic. Not a staggering, fall down drunk. The problem is lying he does and the choices he makes when he is using. It is hard to describe but it has wreaked havoc on this family.
He has never met my son. It is sad but he has no relationship with my husband either. My husband just wants his father to take responsibility for what he has done. This is something his father has not done. I don’t know if he ever will. He just always says why can’t we be happy for him, he and my MIL were very unhappy, or it was so long ago. The list goes on. On top of that, he sends my MIL very emotionally manipulative emails. See, she wanted to work through the problems. They had been together for 30 years. So even though she has a lovely man in her life and has for awhile, the ex can still push some buttons. Kid shaped buttons.
So my husband and his father have contact through email. It is very sporadic and my husband says the same thing pretty much every time. So much so that he copies and pastes it sometimes. In December, things changed. His father had taken a different tone and seemed like there might be some sort of reconciliation. But my FIL has a problem. Somehow he manages verbal diarrhea through email. Out of nowhere he sends my husband a ton of emails. Apparently, he has read some book about mothers and sons and believes these works of FICTION explain why he has such a bad relationship with my husband. These emails are nuts. Completely unhinged. He blames my MIL for everything. Says my husband wishes he was dead and that we are using our son as a pawn to inflict pain and get back at him.
Remember how I said we were close to meeting up in December? Well, not so much now. My husband told him he would not be responding anymore. Immediately he gets another angry email blaming my MIL. She has very little to say about her ex. She doesn’t say bad things about him and in fact has told my husband that she worries about how bad their relationship is and doesn’t want him to regret not having a relationship.
My MIL’s boyfriend, who I consider my father-in-law, has been a wonderful papa to my son. He is very involved and loves spending time with him. He likes to take him when he runs errands, little stuff like that. Maybe it is easier to ignore my husband’s dad because our family is complete without him. That is a sad thing to say but it is the truth. My sister-in-law has a relationship with her dad. Mostly she just seems stressed out about it or talks about how it is very surface and strange. Not really a ringing endorsement.
My husband has my complete support. It is his father after all.