Two many?

This post deals with secondary infertility.

So the other day we met with a new at our RE’s office because ours had left. There had been a cancellation which was lucky for us as we were told it would be 3-6 months before we would be able to see a doctor. And no testing could be started until we did. It was at a satellite office over an hour away but we jumped at the opportunity. I am glad I called when I did because even though it is March, there is no way we could transfer until July at the earliest. We were told by both the doc and nurse that we could transfer in May. No problem, they both said. Expect, like every cycle, there is extra time that somehow is over looked. I can start prepping for the transfer in May but it is 7-8 weeks before the transfer weeks happen. 

Now this is frustrating but mostly because they weren’t being straight forward. I feel like a jerk complaining or even caring about this because I’m now in the world of secondary infertility. I still have to pump myself full of drugs and it is physically impossible for me to become pregnant without this treatment but I now feel like a fraud. A greedy fraud. It worked the first DE cycle. 

As I sat in the waiting room, I felt guilty. I felt like I didn’t belong there. Like a greedy fraud. Luckily, the waiting room was empty. Still, I tried to be quieter than normal. Respectful. RE waiting rooms are sad, anxious places. There is so much hope but it is tempered by harsh realities. Those feelings come back. But now they don’t swallow me up. My husband says something similar as we walked back to the car. How, right now, the stakes don’t seem as high. He said that will probably change as we become more invested and closer to a transfer date. I think he is right.

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