None of this is easy

Ugh. Nothing is ever easy or straightforward. Ever. That seems to be the theme of my life recently. From the smallest thing to major things. So we moved last November. We have done most of the major remodel to our house so things are slowing down. So that means I have more time on my hands. So I’m trying to fill it. I’m reaching out to moms groups in the area but that is hard. It is hard to meet people. I don’t think I’ve ever been very good at it.

 I have been lucky enough to have a good core of friends that I have known for 15-ish years. A very long time. It has been great but it has also prevented me from stepping out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Now we have moved farther from the city center and are currently housing a tiny dictator. Only a couple of our friends have their own tiny dictators and those that do are possibly the flakiest. We have friends that have a son and daughter around our son’s age. We thought this was perfect. We’d see them all the time, etc. Unfortunately they are paralyzed by anxiety over their children’s behavior, they are both totally normal, and never want to leave their house. 

So we trying to meet new people (read-I’m trying to meet other moms). And it is hard. I ran into a mom who lived in our old neighborhood. She had moved as well and is only a few blocks away. I couldn’t believe my luck. She asked for my number. It was great. We had very, very loose plans to meet at Storytime and she was a no show. Immediately, self doubt sets in. “Maybe she didn’t like me before, maybe I’m pushy or annoying or whatever.” It sucks and I hate that. Especially because she has a toddler is the answer. Toddlers are hard and they don’t care if you have plans. 

Another mom made actual plans to meet at Storytime. I wasn’t sure which mom she was but I was 99% sure. So what did I do? I said nothing. No introduction, not even hi. I’m a jerk. I started to think about these two experiences. I decided I have to do something. All the other moms probably feel the same way. Meeting people is hard. It sucks. But being by yourself sucks much worse.

On to more hard stuff. Trying for another baby. Yeah, that’s hard. And complicated. Our doctor has left the clinic so we need a new one. Also I need to stop breastfeeding. E only has a very small “snack” before he reads books before bedtime with his dad. Apparently, you need to have two cycles after quitting bfing before you can start testing for a transfer cycle. So that’s a thing. So we are looking at 3-9 months of testing, which includes blood work, hysteroscopy, mock transfer, etc., before we can even think about a transfer. Plus a month on BCP. This could take a year, no jokes. I had forgotten just how difficult this all was. 

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