Houses, vomit and triggers

It has been awhile since I posted. We have been very busy. We’ve moved and are now trying to put our mark on our new home. We wanted a house we could fix and we certainly got one. The idea of a fixer upper has all of the optimism but none of the reality. We have been working on the house just about every chance we get. Every project gets us closer to where we want to be and makes this feel more like our home. What has been frustrating is that the former owner/realtor has half completed or badly completed many jobs in the house. We joke that by the time we are done doing what we want and fixing all the mistakes we’ll be able to build a new house by ourselves. But we love this stupid old house and so does E and our dog. They have a big yard to play in and room in the house to play as well. 

E had his first stomach bug. It was pretty awful. My sweet little boy was a crying, moody mess. He only wanted his dad. I was not the comfort he wanted. At one point, I slowly followed him around the house as he cried inconsolably. He didn’t want me to touch him. After a few laps, he was either too tired to keep going or realized I was his only option and let me pick him up. It was rough. I cleaned up more vomit than I ever have. Poor little guy is now feeling better. It is so nice to have him back to normal. 

Throughout this whole process of trying to have a baby and eventually having one, I have only been jealous or upset a few times and those feelings have gone quickly. I think that really, I’ve just been lucky that the few women that I know who have gotten pregnant have been good friends. No random aquatinces or people from work. And when I say a few, I literally mean three. I was grateful I had skirted by without too much heartache. 

Then I got a text from my sister. Most problems in my life start with a text from my sister. She wondered if I had any old baby clothes to get rid of. I knew that they weren’t for her asked who they were for. She told me her friend A was due in February. This couple might be the worst people I know. There have stolen money on multiple occasions from my sister, they manipulate her into doing whatever they want and on and on. Last year, LAST YEAR, they got mad at the guy’s parents because they didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas. They told them how upset they were and then didn’t speak to them for a month. They are both in their early 30’s. These are not children. 

So this pregnancy announcement was like a punch in the gut. And of course my sister delivered the news in a completely untactful, crass manner. That always helps. So of course, I start the spiral of why her and not me? That is never good. My face flushed and tears welled up. I composed myself but later when I told my MIL I almost lost it again. 

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