1. Every floorboard in your room, especially the ones next to the crib, are loose and creak. Every GD board!
2. Everyone snores. You snore, your partner snores and your dog snores. And even though snoring has never once woken the baby, whomever is doing it is violently shaken awake. This mostly applies to our very large dog.
3. You have purchased the noisiest, creakiest bed ever. Ever. The only time you get in or out of it when it makes no noise is when your partner is not present, so if course they don’t believe you. Again, this has never woken the baby.
4. Your dog howls in her sleep. This used to be very funny, now not so much. This wakes the baby. Not funny at all.
5. You don’t know how you will ever get to sleep again without a noise machine making “womb noises” at you all night.
6. Your stairs. Oh god the stairs. Every. One. Creaks. And it is a miracle you haven’t fallen down them trying to avoid the really noisy ones. Again, the baby sleeps through the noise.
7. You didn’t realize how quickly you could get out of bed to essentially tackle your dog for sitting right next to the crib to scratch herself or shake. THIS wakes the baby.
8. Every baby noise wakes you up, the lack of baby noise wakes you up.
9. You are ready to murder whomever wakes the baby up. No one is rational at 3am. No one.
10. Baby smiles first thing in the morning are the best. They beat wiggly dog greetings by a landslide.