*deals with pregnancy
…and a side of spicy tuna roll. Why is it, that as soon as someone tells you you can’t have something, that is all that you want. There are other kinds of sandwiches I could eat but I would really like a pastrami sandwich and well the sushi, I have a problem with that sans my new tenant. I passed my 8 week mark on Saturday. I am breathing a little easier but IF really messes with your head. My approach to anything dealing with reproduction will always be met with trepidation and doubt. I am envious of the women who just magically got pregnant and don’t have a care in the world. I envy their ignorance. They don’t know all the tests and hormones and shots and treatments and heartache of IF. It would be wonderful to be ignorant of it all. But this experience has made me more compassionate and more patient.
I find myself going back and forth from being confident, to being worried. I have no reason to worry. No strange symptoms or spotting. All tests and scan show my little Blob is trucking away. Doing what they are supposed to. Every week that passes eases my mind as well, a bit anyway.
I was asked last week if I felt bonded to the baby growing inside me. As some of you know, I used donor eggs. I honestly hadn’t given the donor much thought. I will be forever grateful that she decided to donate but she did get paid for her services. Also she is anonymous. I am grateful for that. It gives a sort finality to the situation. I don’t have a person to attach feelings of doubt or worry to, so I don’t have those worries or doubts. I still worry about a healthy pregnancy but that is about it. I asked my husband if he had thought about the donor or the eggs at all. He said he hadn’t really either. Our clinic made the process easy and stress free. We didn’t have to deal with agencies or a third party.
I told my mom I was pregnant after my scan. She was so happy. Sobbing on the phone. She told me all of her pregnancies were easy and so were the births. There are five of us. This was comforting to hear because there is evidence that suggest that your pregnancy and birth will be similar to what your mother experienced. I have another scan this Friday, just shy of 9 weeks. Then I graduate to my OB. I can’t wait for that.