Stressed but happy

Day one, officially, for my transfer cycle is Wednesday. I go I for my first scan and blood draw. Then another on  on next Monday and one more, the important one is the following Friday. That Friday I will be told whether or not my lining is responding correctly. For whatever reason, I thought this lining check was something to do with me specifically and not just the protocol. It just occurred to me the other day it was just protocol. I told my husband and he just snorted and said that was a silly thing to think. I told him realized that now but it had been stressing me out.

We have never made it this far. We haven’t ever had anything to transfer. We sent 8 embryos away for PGS testing. I have been on the bad side of the statics through this whole thing. PGS cuts miscarriage rates and ensures a healthy embryo. One came back abnormal, six strong contenders and one lagging behind the others. The embryologist told me five boys and two girls. I told him I didn’t want specifics. We don’t want to know the sex of the one that is chosen. He said he would pick embryo #1 because it looked the best. Perfect, that is all the info we need.

I started lupron shots on the 20th of November. I keep that up until the 16th of December. I think the shots are making me tired and giving me headaches but I am also on my period. I have realized that I do have endometriosis symptoms, just not pain, well abdominal pain. I have pain in my legs, I get tired and sometimes have headaches. That is why I am not sure if it is the lupron or just my period causing me this grief. On Wednesday I will start estrogen pills and patches! Luckily, only my endurance has suffered because of meds. My mood seems pretty good, pretty even. Let’s hope that holds out.

My husband has been putting up a front. He keeps saying things, like you know there is a chance this won’t work. He isn’t doing it to be mean. He says it to remind himself. But I know he is getting excited. I have been with him far to long for him to hide anything from me. I can tell from the tone of his voice and little things that he does. Yesterday he came home from the store with flowers and chocolate, my nurses have banned chocolate as of this Wednesday. I said thank you and asked why. He simply said, “because I love you.” It was very sweet. Now I know this is sickly sweet and I can assure you there have been times we sort of hated each other. We have been together for 13 years, so there are bound to be bumps, just like any relationship.

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