A little bit of good, a little bit of bad

So this has been an interesting week. Our donor almost ovulated through her meds last Tuesday, which was stressful, but she made it. She did her trigger shot right before the weekend so Saturday was retrieval day. My husband dropped by to leave his sample and then there was radio silence. I hadn’t gotten any info about her cycle except that it was going well. I could have asked but I didn’t. That information is kind of irrelevant. I knew it was going well and that was really all I needed to know. I did expect some sort of info about how many eggs they got on Saturday but no such luck.

By Sunday afternoon, I figured I would be waiting til Monday. I didn’t have to. We got our results. She had 28 follicles, which yielded 21 mature eggs, which turned into 17 fertilized eggs that are developing the way they should. If all goes well, I won’t hear from anyone until Thursday or Friday. Great results! This was the best response our donor has had over her 3 cycles. I feel like a weight has been lifted. We made it over the hurtle of actually getting eggs. I start my Lupron shots this Thursday. We are getting PGS testing done just to eliminate chromosomal issues and decrease miscarriage rates. So a little more waiting but as anyone knows who is going through infertility, waiting is a big part of it.

This was the good part of last week. Now for the bad. A friend, who I thought was a fertile myrtle, just had a miscarriage. She has a one year old beautiful baby boy who was conceived the moment she considered having a baby. It was immediate. I had told her we were trying, she said they were considering it and then a month later, she was pregnant. I am not sure how far along she was, I think it was under 12 weeks. I am having lunch with her this week and thought it was better to let her talk about this in person rather than a barrage of text messages in response to her text. She is one of the few people who knows I have tried IVF. She doesn’t know that failed and we have moved on to a donor. While this won’t be kept a secret, I just needed time to process it all privately. I don’t think I will be bringing it up at lunch. She has listened to me and my problems and now it is my turn to return the favor.

A friend brought up her miscarriage the other night, unsolicited. His young and naive girlfriend immediately announced that she would tell everyone if she had a miscarriage. She would want everyone to know. She is an idiot. They do not know of our struggle with infertility. I calmly explained that that might not be the best course of action. When faced with situations like that or grief of any kind, you get to a stage where you feel like you can manage it. It is very painful to be reminded of it by someone. I gave the example of our dog we had to put to sleep. We were coping but every time someone would ask us about Edgar and didn’t know what happened, the wound was opened again. I feel the same way about infertility. While I have been able to cope and deal with not being able to have biological children, every person I have told has opened that wound each time. It has gotten better and I have told very few people but it puts you right back in that grief and then you have to deal with someone else’s grief. It is difficult. She simply said she hadn’t thought of it that way.


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