Best Christmas present, ever?

So we are swiftly moving ahead. My egg donor, let’s call her Betty, so Betty has started her period and is taking her BCP. Day one of her IVF cycle is November 2. So around the middle of December, the FET should happen. While this is all very exciting, it is also bittersweet. As I read the blogs I follow, good things are happening for everyone. From coming to terms with loss to becoming pregnant. I do love hearing how well everyone is doing but every once in a while I think, “but I had 9 follicles respond” only to remember that my E2 level never got above 200. So it seems very likely those little follicles were empty or had very poor quality eggs in them. And I have to also remember that my E2 level started falling around day 7 or 8. While it is sad inner dialog, it only takes me a few minutes to realize how lucky I am to be able to go the egg donor route. And then I start thinking a about how I could be pregnant by the end of the year. That makes me incrediably happy but also sort of terrified at the same time.

I have a friend who was just telling me about some miracle doctor in town who is helping women with infertility and all sorts of other problems. She is telling me he could probably help me, she is just sure of it. She is sure her friend who did not respond to the IVF drugs at ALL will be able to change that and reverse her DOR with the help of this doctor. As she is saying this, I find I have no desire for all these “what ifs”. I have made peace with using Betty start my family. I understand my limitations and while sometimes it might make me a little sad, I can handle that. It is ok to be sad sometimes. But right now I am standing on the precipice, with a little help, we can have the family we want. And as soon as December, that family could be well on its way to starting. What is another month or two? We have already invests years into this endeavor.

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