Thoughts on being a long shot….

Long shot

-an attempt or undertaking that offers much but in which there is little chance for success

I have always been a long shot. When I was five years old, I was diagnosed with Kawasaki’s disease. It is a disease, that 26 years ago, was little known in the US. Even now there are only about 1000 cases a year in the US. It predominantly affects Asian children or children of Asian decent, and usually boys. I am completely Caucasian. And not a boy. So anyway, it made me very sick, hospitalized me for a few weeks but I made it through. No lasting effects. So there is my first long shot. Not very lucky.

Moving forward 13 years my lucky long shot came along. I met a boy, a boy who lived four hours away. Despite the distance and my idiotic 18 year old brain, that long shot paid off. My second boyfriend ever turned out to the the person I would stay with for the rest of my life.

Now here I am, dealing with all this infertility crap. Another long shot. And not a good one. First, no one knew what the issue was. Then we find out my tubes are pretty f’ed. Move on to surgery. They are royally f’ed, so much so that they have to stay put. Stage IV endometriosis. Thank you gods of the long shot. :/ I am grateful that despite this diagnosis, I have had no pain and regular cycles.

*A note one regular cycles and regular ovulation – what a cruel joke. Every month, I know things are working, my body does its thing, it just can’t put that thing where it needs to go.

The first cycle was hopeful. No reason to think there would be any trouble. Great numbers, I was ovulating, no worries. Well that didn’t work out. Apparently having a pelvic cavity full endometriosis shoots holes in those numbers. Now we have moved on to cycle two. Things are bumping along. First u/s, five follicles, four clustered nicely together. Next day, seven follicles, all but one are the same size and moving forward. The issue? One rogue follicle has decided to use up most of the meds, it is already at 20mm. Not great, not great at all. I have to start ganirelix immediately to prevent ovulation.

 I don’t want this to be another bad long shot. “Sorry, but your body cancelled your cycle by ovulating.”

Come on ovaries, give me a break.

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